


As long as he smiles

by Pissypixy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Depressed Erwin Smith, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 13:59:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15865023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pissypixy/pseuds/Pissypixy
Summary: So I cried when I wrote this- like a lot. Call me a baby if you will but I felt heartless after writing this. It was something that just came to me and it's short, but enjoy





	As long as he smiles

It was hard.. losing my arm. After the accident I often found myself still trying to reach for things with my missing appendage. I still do sometimes if I'm not paying much attention. It took some time to get used to it being gone, for me to be able to do simple tasks like put on a shirt alone. I still need help sometimes, especially with buttons. Levi has always stayed by me. At the hospital, through my recovery.  
As much as him being by my side has helped me, it's hurt me the most. Levi used to look at me like I was some kind of super hero. Though he tries to hide it, I can see the look. The same look of pity that everyone gives me. There's times where I can tell that he gets sick of taking care of me. Having to help me do the simple task of tying my shoes in the morning so that I can work. He hides it behind those fake smiles. Those smiles hurt worse than the looks of pity. I miss being able to sweep him off of his feet. Seeing that look of love in his eyes as he giggled in my arms. He used to look at me like I was his prince when I did that. Just being able to hold him while we slept. It seemed to be things that I took for granted. I hate all of pointless arguments now. Wasted time that I could held in in my arms while watching a movie on the couch.  
Sex became less. Everything about it. Levi seemed to get less excited over it, almost like it was a chore. That wild look of lust that he got was gone. And soon he didn't want it as much. Would shrug me off, saying that he was tired. It wasn't long after that that I started noticing small pink marks that he insisted were bug bites or his skin being irritated from scratching at it. But I knew.. I knew that it was Eren. I could see the way they interacted when he came over. I never confronted Levi- or maybe it was more that I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough to. I never could do that.. but eventually I asked for a divorce. At first Levi seemed shocked by the seemingly sudden proposal, but didn't deny my reasoning.  
I thought that maybe I was wrong. All I ever cared about was his happiness, maybe I was just paranoid. But that week when I came home from work and all of his things were gone with documents signed and his ring left on the table,I was proven right. I spotted him a few weeks later at his favorite cafe with Eren. He seemed so happy as they talked, laughing. I saw his real smile again that day and I just didn't have the heart to approach him. All I've ever wanted was for him to be happy. But it hurt. It hurt so much to not be the one to be able to bring him that happiness.  
Living alone took some time to get used to again. Without Levi so many things became harder, including sleeping. I became depressed. I didn't even try to look for someone else, there was no one that was like Levi. I often found myself wishing, just wishing that the car would have killed me that day instead of taking my arm. Levi could have mourned and moved on without feeling like he had to stay with me, sneak around behind my back. I wouldn't have caused him so much unhappiness.  
I'm sorry.. to whoever finds this. Who finds me in this garage. I guess I just cant stop being a burdon to people, but this was the easiest way. There was just no reason to live anymore. I quickly lost that will when I lost him. Carbon monoxide just seemed to be the easiest way out. At least I can dream about him one last time like this.


End file.
